Our good friend the Abstinence-only Movement - already able to claim more pregnant teenagers than the Dayton Mall on a Tuesday afternoon - has secured Bristol Palin as its newest spokesperson. If the Palin family is good at anything it's reminding us that things could always be worse, or in this case, dumber. Sort of like when George W. Bush threw an 8-year-long frat party on our country's front lawn, and McCain decided the best person to help clean up the mess was the WORST PERSON TO HELP clean up the mess.
Sigh. Anyway, Bristol Palin, as the new Candies Foundation Ambassador to Teens, is now going to be flying all over the country talking about how hard it is to be a mom, and how she wishes - not so much that she had been more careful when it came to condoms and Levi but that she had never used a condom at all, because the safest sex is no sex, but then what about her son, is she saying she would rather he had never been born? So confusing.
But surely, when it comes to combating teen pregnancy, the Palin family has done enough damage already. What worse message could you send to teenage girls than the one they delivered at the Republican convention: If your handsome but somewhat thuglike boyfriend gets you with child, he will clean up nicely, propose marriage, and show up at an important family event wearing a suit and holding your hand. At which point you will get a standing ovation.Now a single mom on the outs with the father of her baby, Bristol wants a new kind of happy ending.
“I just want to go out there and promote abstinence and say this is the safest choice,” she said on “Good Morning America.”
“It’s not going to work,” said her ex-boyfriend, Levi Johnston, in a dueling early-morning interview.
If you have ever watched Levi Johnston on TV for two minutes you will appreciate how terrifying it is when he has the most reasonable analysis of a social issue.
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